Move over, David Blaine.

So I performed a magic trick today. I made everyone in a restaurant line bow to me. HOW do I have such power, you may ask? I will allow you a glance behind the curtain, monkey.

Setting - the local Willie's restaurant. Delightful establishement, colorful decor, with plenty of Republican-fearing millennials behind the counter.

Atmosphere - expectant, with a hint of cilantro.

Cue my father.
He has ordered some tasty vittles. Including a quesadilla for me. It will be my first Tex-Mex. And god help me it won't be the last.
He places me on the counter at the register, as he reaches for his wallet. He is concentrating on reaching around his large ass for the pocket.

Note my sly grin.

I reach, and like SpiderMan, everything within my grasp clings to my hands. CUPS go flying! CALCULATOR goes zooming to the floor! PENS are missiles! Willie's MAGNETS, begone!

And there, with a spotlight on it, with angels singing, lies my prize. The TIP FISHBOWL.

In the blink of an eye, BOOOOM! The bowl is on the floor and spinning, spewing money like a Mount Saint Helens of currency! Pennies, RUN FREE! Fly, fair Dollars! Seek your fortune, ye rolling quarters!!

And that is when the trick was performed, as all the monkeys around me bowed and scraped the floor, like good peasants to their lord. Of course, some would say they were simply picking up all the crap I had just thrown everywhere...but from my point of view, they were bowing. It was GLORIOUS.


That is all...