Open Letter to John Lennon

Waakbee says...

Today I wrote a letter to John Lennon.

My dad has introduced me to the Beatles. I love their music! I especially love the songs where John plays the pharnomica (sic). Coop and I sing these songs as we listen to them on the way to school every morning.

So my dad actually did something cool for once and bought each of us a pharnomica (sic). I opened it with glee and began playing immediately. Many of you won't be suprised that I am already a master at the ol' mouth harp. The Waakabee's skills are boundless, and his talent limitless.

Playing the pharnomica (sic) while dad and mom played Beatles Rockband got me thinking. Would John Lennon be my friend? A despot rarely has peers, but John's talent at music writing and performing surely places him in that short list.

So I set about drafting a letter to John, proposing an alliance, a bond, a friendship of sorts. Because my handwriting is still under development, I had my otherwise pathetic dad serve as my own Joan Holloway and transcribe my letter. His mild retardation comes through pretty clearly in his own penmanship. Oh, I cannot wait until I can afford to get a real secretary (I believe in classic titles - none of this "administrative assistant" women's lib crap). But I digress.

So I wrote my letter (or rather my monkey father did) and included what I feel is a pretty awesome sketch of a machine that John may want to look into having constructed. Sharing skematics of such a potentially profitable and useful gismo is quite the grand gesture, if I do say so. John surely has plenty of cash from his awesome music catalog and owning the copyright to round sunglasses, but what Mighty man couldn't stand having more wealth?

Since John doesn't have a current address (and dad was reluctant to explain why - maybe John will tell me), we put the letter, skematics, and some awesome Star Wars stickers in the mail to John care of his weirdo wife Yoko Ono.

Dad says Yoko led the Beatles' to their demise and ultimate dissolution. I believe her actions, surely fueled by nationalist pride, show a bold and creative counterstroke to what was previously believed to be the end of the War. Nagasaki be damned, this woman helped Japan get the last word in by scuttling the rise of Western Culture, thereby shifting the course of history leading us to such abominations as Disco, Culture Club, and Oasis. Bravo, devil woman. Bravo.

Anyway, I hope that John gets my missive and will be agree to be my amigo. Dad says not to hold my breath, but I'm not sure why. Damn that monkey man can be frustrating what with his smug look of monkeyness and all.

For posterity, I've shared the letter with you here. Enjoy, peasants.

That is all...