Thank Goodness He's Not Toydarian

Today I...

Have been working on brainwashing Cooper.

Here I'm telling him that mom and dad don't love him as much as they do me, but that's ok. I'm here to help. He needs only me. He wants to make me happy, and be my peon. I mean 2nd in command! Almost let that one slip.

I also remind him that my room, the bathroom, mom & dad's room, all the TVs, all toys and books, and the entire downstairs is all mine. He can have his room, for now, and of course the backyard. I will also be offering him security/safe transport between his room and the outside world for an affordable $5 per trip, payable at a later date. I mean there are monsters out there, and we wouldn't want anything to happen to him, would we?

I established an account for him in the Caymans, into which I will pay his wages (earned at my discretion for acts and services to be determined by me at a later date), and out of which I will withdraw his afforementioned "security fee", his "little brother fee", "having the Waakabee talk to me fee", and "in the presence of his majesty, 'The B' fee".

Currently, his bank account has a balance of -$362.54. He's only 15 days old, so he better get crackin' on the growing and developing so that he can start earning cash by being my adjutant.

Of course I tell him all this in the only way a newborn can truly understand it. With the eyes. It's all right there. I learned that from Caesar Millan.

That is all...