Ahhh, Summer

Today I...

 

Learned that it's fun to smash your face on glass window panes. While visiting Nannie and Poppa in NH, I left little reminders of me on their front door, in the form of face oil and saliva. They should never clean that window again, to preserve my gifts. Of course, that would make them gross and untidy people. Maybe call out the local CSI team and have this stuff lifted off the glass, then frame it and put it over the mantel, for all to see and gaze in wonder. "That's where the great Waakabee blew zerberts on our front door!"

Love me, monkeys.

 

Then I went around back, to see where the heck everyone was... and I was startled to see everyone just sitting in a large group, posing. I walked up to mom to ask what the hell was going on, and she forced me into her lap just as I heard some camera clicking. I guess I failed to see the photographer when I walked around the corner. Guess I had a little too much juicy juice, if you know what I mean.

 

So now you can see all the wretched filth I'm related to, thanks to my dad's funky genes. Whole lot of winners in there, pops.

That is all...

Ralphie Gone!

My fearless Spanish gatoquistador has gone missing. He regulary escapes this madhouse to explore the yard and terrorize the neighborhood moles, snakes, and micefolk. Who doesn't like to take a break to subjegate the weak?

Anywho, he took one of his near-daily constitutionals and was last seen within sight of the front door, surveying his domain. Mom yelled to him, "hey get inside!" and he was all like, "Peese off. I do as I please." She then reminded Dad (who was spending yet more hours playing Marvel Ultimate Alliance) to let Ralphie in when he came up to bed. Needless to say, Dad never did remember to get the cat, and that was the last we ever saw of Ralphie.

We've put up fliers, and poked around all the nearby bushes, cat clubs, and drag bars, but he has not been seen. Mom says we'll give up hope in a few weeks and then can get a pair of kittens to replace him, since he was such an awesome cat, and awesomeness which cannot be duplicated in a single cat must instead be met by a large quantity of mediocre cats.

Thanks Dad. Hope you enjoyed ruining my childhood memories. I'm totally scarred.