First step towards EGOT

Today I, Waakabee, will be playing Santa in the school play. My role includes a monologue and a solo. Some of you may express surprise that a skinny four year old could play an obese, altruistic geriatric. Poppycock, I say.

The B has excellent range. The B is an excellent actor. The B is an excellent singer. Put simply, the B is excellence.

As long as the other monkeys in my troupe don't try to outshine me in anyway or occlude my spotlight, things will go off without a hitch. Should anyone get cheeky, though...I can turn a jingle bell into a shiv before you can say, "Joy Noel".

If you are in town today, feel free to stop by and watch the performance. I dare say some of you will shed a tear in gratitude.

That is all...

Found the Elmo ornament

Coop here: I'm enjoying donuts and cider at Ryan's bday party. Taking notes for my own suare, coming up soon.

And to be honest, while the B is out on the tumblebus, I've been studiously reading every book I can find inside Ryan's house.

And I just noticed that Owen and Ryan have an Elmo ornament. Several in fact.

Dad, take note. Elmo ornaments make christmas better.

Mess with the bull...

And you're gonna get the horns.

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Not quite first class...

Coop reporting...

Flying coach isn't always the hell that Waakabee portrays it as. But philadelphia's airport is very close to the shittiest daddy's ever seen.Got dad's ipod. Watching mickey mouse clubhouse from my window perch on daddy's lap.Charlie, we're coming home.

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Put. Me. Down.

Uncle Colin? The Coop does not want!

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What DO you want to watch?

Cooper and daddy run through a list of shows to watch. Coop is so hard to please!



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I heart Taylor Swift

This is my new favorite song. I sing it to Cooper every chance I get. La la la. Ha ha ha.

Wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Mom here -

"Hold you", "Diego Cup", "Einsteins", "Seaside"...... the whining goes on and on. What do you do with a two year old that does not know what he wants? And will not stop whining/talking? You present snack after snack and play show after shown until he is satisfied. What finally worked? Fruit gooeys and Looney Toons.

Is it bad that I'm glad tomorrow is Monday so I can escape to work......??? Maybe.

Cooper sick

Cooper reporting. I'm off to see the doctor because of a mysterious barking cough I have.
Waaka thinks I sound like a seal, but I think that is because he secretly has a thing for Anarctic animals (have you seen his penguin picture?)

Open Letter to John Lennon

Waakbee says...

Today I wrote a letter to John Lennon.

My dad has introduced me to the Beatles. I love their music! I especially love the songs where John plays the pharnomica (sic). Coop and I sing these songs as we listen to them on the way to school every morning.

So my dad actually did something cool for once and bought each of us a pharnomica (sic). I opened it with glee and began playing immediately. Many of you won't be suprised that I am already a master at the ol' mouth harp. The Waakabee's skills are boundless, and his talent limitless.

Playing the pharnomica (sic) while dad and mom played Beatles Rockband got me thinking. Would John Lennon be my friend? A despot rarely has peers, but John's talent at music writing and performing surely places him in that short list.

So I set about drafting a letter to John, proposing an alliance, a bond, a friendship of sorts. Because my handwriting is still under development, I had my otherwise pathetic dad serve as my own Joan Holloway and transcribe my letter. His mild retardation comes through pretty clearly in his own penmanship. Oh, I cannot wait until I can afford to get a real secretary (I believe in classic titles - none of this "administrative assistant" women's lib crap). But I digress.

So I wrote my letter (or rather my monkey father did) and included what I feel is a pretty awesome sketch of a machine that John may want to look into having constructed. Sharing skematics of such a potentially profitable and useful gismo is quite the grand gesture, if I do say so. John surely has plenty of cash from his awesome music catalog and owning the copyright to round sunglasses, but what Mighty man couldn't stand having more wealth?

Since John doesn't have a current address (and dad was reluctant to explain why - maybe John will tell me), we put the letter, skematics, and some awesome Star Wars stickers in the mail to John care of his weirdo wife Yoko Ono.

Dad says Yoko led the Beatles' to their demise and ultimate dissolution. I believe her actions, surely fueled by nationalist pride, show a bold and creative counterstroke to what was previously believed to be the end of the War. Nagasaki be damned, this woman helped Japan get the last word in by scuttling the rise of Western Culture, thereby shifting the course of history leading us to such abominations as Disco, Culture Club, and Oasis. Bravo, devil woman. Bravo.

Anyway, I hope that John gets my missive and will be agree to be my amigo. Dad says not to hold my breath, but I'm not sure why. Damn that monkey man can be frustrating what with his smug look of monkeyness and all.

For posterity, I've shared the letter with you here. Enjoy, peasants.

That is all...

Gamecocks go limp

Today we...

Hung out and watched the Jackets whoop some Gamecock ass.

We tailgated with Grandma and Big Pop just off campus, snacking on tasty meats and salty snacks. Mom and dad both mentioned the lack of beer, but sometimes they forget they are not college kids anymore.

We then walked down to Bobby Dodd Stadium and enjoyed a 500 yard crushing of our lower division opponent. Buzz and I became fast friends.

We ate many tasty treats, including hot dogs, pop corn, sno cones (notably not made of actual snow), goldfish, and cotton candy. It was so friggin' hot, dad said it felt like he was in Hanoi and seeking comfort in some momma-san's Mekong Delta. Mom took great offense to that, but I heard Hanoi was hot, so I don't know what she's getting upset over.

Once I was all hopped up on the sugar, I forced dad to carry me on his shoulders as we climbed to the tippy top of the stadium. From this lofty perch, I dreamed I was practicing my sniper tactics.

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From here, the world belongs to me. From my position I can see Mom and Coop. I am told that Tech is one of the rare Divison 1 stadiums where you can find empty seats for nearly any game. When I am in charge of the world, and my colleges play football (with modified rules), stadiums will be filled so full the stands will be in danger of collapsing.

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A vision of my future

Waakabee says: These guys mean business. As do I. I cannot wait to have my own massive military force backing me up as I whoop ass and take names across the galaxy.

Yoda was a tiny Jedi Master. Who's to say I cannot be?

We went the Dragon Con parade this morning. It was awesome, though the Mad Max guys were a teensy bit too loud. I liked the pirates, the super heroes, the awesome cars, the soldiers, and Disney characters. Dad got really excited about the Battlestar Galactica guys, the GI Joe guys, and all the scantily clad women.

Mom really liked the guys from 300.

All in all, it was a fun time.



P.S.
I sense a disturbance in the Force.

And a sad, sorry middle aged man in a costume.

This amuses me.

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Heeeeyyy Y'aalll

Coop says: Just perfecting my... PARTY FACE!

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I Crashed My Spaceship

Waakabee says:

Crashed my spaceship. Now what the shit am I going to do?

Oh bother.

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A Lesson in Hygiene

Coop says: Today I learned that the white plastic baskets with colorful round cakes found in the urinals of the South Cobb Community Center are NOT toys filled with candy. I also learned a new expression that I don't think I've ever heard daddy say before: "oh sweet fucking christ." Waaka assures me he hasn't heard that before, either.

I did get the opportunity to wash my hands like a big boy - five times. What fun! Maybe I'm finally moving beyond wet wipes, and into the world of soap and water!

Princess Waaka was going on about the smell of the place, otherwise I think daddy would have let me wash my hands more.

We're off to play outside where daddy says I can get into less trouble.

The B Likes to Sing

Coop and I have been practicing our Little Einsteins routine for this fall's "Little Dictator" talent show and jamboree. I'm looking forward to the funnel cakes, the keynote topic of "Waterboarding vs Slip N' Slide For Interrogation", and the ring toss.



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The B says...

My kingdom, laid out before us in rustic granite relief. If only Cooper would be my willing second in command, helping me rule with justice, fear, and power. Instead he is a bitter disappointment.

Here's a prime example: I asked him what is greatest in life. He said, "yar-gins". This is Cooper pidgin for "The Backyardigans". No doubt his answer was influenced by the mind-numbing two hour car ride filled with endless repeats of the Backyardigans' hits played on the stereo. I believe I saw dad's ears bleeding at one point, but who pays attention to morons?

Anyway, clearly the correct answer to my question is, "To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentations of the women." I also would have accepted, "desert eagle .50," or "shapely curves on a cougar" But alas, Coop is oblivious.

Cooper, thou hast shamed me.

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NOM!

Dad says we can have some special treats if we behave tonight!

I will let Coop earn his, and when dad is not looking I will whoop Coop's ass and take his cookie like a ninja. Ninjas love cookies.

Car Rides Also

Are a great time to study war documentaries, the better to learn how to crush one's enemy with.

Car rides

Are great reading time.

Charlie Rides Shotgun

I love when mom brings Charlie to help pick me up. He makes a great sidekick. All the other kids are mad jealous because I have the fluffiest dog!
True story - the other day we left him in the car at Publix. He jumped out and followed us inside!

A Relaxing Bath

Nothing soothes like a long soak. I like to do it completely submerged.

Even better, I like to bathe while reclining on my own personal chaise: Waakakbee.

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Italy can suck it

One of the best parts about the 4th of July is the resurrection of old timey songs. These songs are quaint and remind us that colonial Americans had little to do other than sit around and make catchy jingles.

A lot of these songs need to be updated, however. Take "Yankee Doodle" for instance. The comment about "macaroni" is outmoded. What have the Italians done for us? Except maybe roll over every single time we've fought against or with them in the last 100 years.

I say we celebrate instead the greatness that is America, and pay homage to that most tasty tuber, the potato.


That is all..

Fire works go boom...

Yes, fireworks go boom and Walker has used his first curse word correctly - mark your calenders folks, 7/4/09. As someone who learned every curse word from her own parents, we try to be very careful around the boys. But, last night, as we were leaving the Marietta fireworks with a line of cars both in front and behind us, Walker comes up with, "Look at all the damn cars." Well, hmm, okay. How does one respond? There were a lot of damn cars in front of us and behind us. So, we did what any good parent does and lied. We told Walker he can't use that word until he's 25 or the police will arrest him.

Seemed to work.

Can I have some privacy please?

Mom here - tonight walker announced he needed to poopie and asked me for help. But once I got him up on the potty, he looked at me and said, "Can I have some privacy, please?" Well, needless to say - shocked but at least he was polite about it. I'm still needed though - not three minutes later, "I'm doooooooooooooonee." I wish he would learn to wipe his own bum.

- mom out

Red, White and Hot

Who wears a glittered hat, is covered in ice cream and hums Yankee Doodle? We do!

On Thursday, Cooper and I participated in Primrose of Providence Pavillion's 3rd annual 4th of July parade. We wore fancy hats, had ice cream and went home early. All in all, not a bad day.

Once Cooper saw Mommy, he chose not to pleasure the masses with his parading skills. Rather, he modeled his hat for the young ladies in my class.

Cooper has Moved

Because the Wakkabee and I share many of our experiences together, we, in a show of solidarity, have decided to share blog space. Don't fret, monkeys! You will still get more than one side of the story. I can't let that princess make me out to be the bad guy...

Happy 4th!

Water Babies

Mom here - To celebrate our Nation's independence, our friends invited us to their pool for a little splishy splashy.

I give you a few tidbits I learned from this experience:

1. Walker is infatuated with scuba divers. We are not sure where this infatuation came from, but it's there and it's strong. Walker insisted on wearing a board suit that was purchased for him two years ago for our vacation to Lake Placid. All I can say is, you should have seen it before I cut out the floaty inserts to make a little more room for him in the crotch area.



How's that suit treatin' ya, Scuba Steve?


2. Cooper is fearless. He invented a new game last night which consisted of him walking to the side of the pool and just stepping in, assuming (or maybe not) someone would be there to catch him. He got a nice cut on his eyebrow which will probably scar a la Luke Perry (think the 90210 years and not the full frontal shot from Oz).

Christmas Memories

I remember Christmas 2008 fondly. Gabe and I had quite the blast.

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Classic Waakoop photo

I found this classic photo taken just one year ago. It was during one of my lectures to Cooper about who knows what. Probably about the tiring but necessary fiduciary responsibility of despotic regimes.

And on the importance of being appropriately dressed.

Put some clothes on, hippie.

White Puppy, avert thine eyes.

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I'm a Rocket Man

Guidance? Check.
Telemetry? Check.
Weapons? Check.
Desire to fly out to space and rain terror on my enemies? Double check.

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Red Team Wins

Today I...

went to the Aquarium. I saw many amazing things. I liked the whale sharks best. I especially like how the little fish follow the largest around. I will be a great leader like that some day.

Later, Coop and I played chicken, but were not allowed to do so in the water. So we battled out of the pool. I of course won. My dad, inept as he is, is still taller and placed a solid kick to mommy's knees.

In this picture, I am saluting Cooper, wishing him a good match. I of course don't really mean this, but the forms must be observed.

My prize was pizza. Which I used my Matrix fast skillz to eat.

The day was not all sunshine and roses, however. Here I have been told that I cannot, under any circumstances, have my own ginormous aquarium. I had great plans for its use. Sharks, lasers, pirana, and man o' war would serve as strong incentive to my enemies and subjects alike.

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I {heart} Chuck

Some of you nerds may think I'm talking about that mediocre NBC sitcom "Chuck," in which a nerdy dude (you empathize) gets to kick ass and tap a tasty piece (you dream).

Nay, I refer to The Chuck, the killa, the unstoppable Chuck Norris. My shirt is an homage to his power. It reads, "Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding."

I do appreciate Chuck for his skillz - though mine outmatch him. I truly admire him for the RESPECT he commands, though. Seems that around here people (COOPER) are forgetting who runs the show and who is supreme ruler of the Sunroom, Living Room, and basically the whole house. I think if I could grow a killer 'stache, maybe Coop would recall that I, like Chuck, will make his mind explode with my stare should he displease me again. Say by eating my fraking cookie. "Oh he's so cute and cuddly and don't get mad at him for eating your last nilla wafer, he doesn't know any better." Bullshit. That kid is going to get a roundhouse to the noggin, and how.

Chuck - you and I know what it means to be disrespected. But you have mastered how to regulate. Teach Me.

That is all...