I'm Leaving, on a Jet Plane

Here we are on a jet to Texas. My first trip to Daddy's native land. I wonder if we'll see any steers. Or ? Dad, you think you could spare a buck to put me where I belong? No more of this tail-of-the-plane/steerage compartment crap for me. I demand first class!

On the plane I met a lovely latina. Her name was Maria. Suddenly my life has a purpose other dominating the world and crushing the hopes of you peons. I could picture my future, filled with beautiful women and stolen moments together...




Frack! I was getting soft! The wily woman has clouded my judgement and logic! NO MORE! Begone foul beast! The female of this species is clearly more deadly than the male.


And yet...one last embrace before those stewardess nazis made us sit down. I will always remember you, mi amore.




That is all...

S.O.A.M.

I like to play on the floor with my bad-to-the-bone toys. Here I have a tool bench, the better with which to practice my mechanical skills. Also, note the snake mock-up. Snakes On A Plane? Try Snakes On A Mommy! Sam Jackson ain't got nuthin' on me.

Oh, and you'll note my Wookie protector is keeping me warm. Good Annie.



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Move over Charlie & Annie!

This weekend we went to my grandparents' house. They have recently purchased a delightful pup named Bandit. Bandit is a Jack Russel, which are some of the most trainable dogs in the world.

Perhaps I should abandon my canine-killer/butler training programs with Annie and Charlie, and start with this impressionable young pup. I could mold him as I see fit and use him to do things like assassinate very small people or carry my monkey, Apu on his back in a little saddle.

In this pic I am describing to Bandit how large a pile of money I will sleep on when I take over the world. He was most impressed.

Needless to say he wooed me with his enthusiasm and naivete. And his puppy kisses.

Chicken fingaz! Get crunk!
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Heed my command, monkey

This is my monkey, Apu. I am communicating my nefarious plans to him. Together, we shall crush all!
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Your insolence is repaid!

He dared to question my genius. So I eat him.
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IKEA: The Return

Recently we returned to the land of the Swedes to procure more teak. Or Styrofoam candle holders shaped like pine cones. While in the parking deck, we ran into Uncle Toro and Aunt Kate. Clearly, they are enamored with me. I am acting ambivalent, because I learned that showing one's pets too much affection can cause them to be spoiled. Heel, monkeys.


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And it fits into a briefcase...

Here I am pointing out a Scandinavian. He was carrying an entire bed made of card stock, which weighed no more than ten pounds and can be torn into pieces and used for invitations to your amazing Swedish furniture party in your tiny metrosexual flat. Mom is laughing at his skinny nordic legs.

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Arthur

"Take me to the park, Bitterman. You know how I love the park."

That is all...