My fat father keeps up this charade that going to school on the first day is somehow important and notable. I did this last year. My world didn't change. I received no cash sign-on bonus with golden parachute kicker. No endorsement deals landed from Staples, Gymboree, or Pottery Barn Kids (despite conspicuously sporting all their gear). I didn't even get a free handgun upon check in. I thought this was America?
And to think - my porky pater familias makes this much hubub about a PUBLIC school?! Given my home state's stellar reputation for public education he is really leaving me out for the wolves. He might as well throw me in a back alley in pick-any-crappy-city with naught but a pencil, a peanut butter sandwich, and a sign on my back that says, "Free for the taking." I mean, I fully expect to wind up water boarded, turned into a drug mule, branded with a Confederate flag, and/or given scabies. All on the first day.
Then again...
I can think of no better forge in which to shape and temper the finest weapon known to the history of mankind, as I am sure to be. In order to bring about your Hobbesian future, I shall sacrifice myself. Out of the fires of this plebeian pipsqueak prison shall rise your future ruler and deity, the Waakabee. Bring it on, Cobb County.
That is all...
