My fat father keeps up this charade that going to school on the first day is somehow important and notable. I did this last year. My world didn't change. I received no cash sign-on bonus with golden parachute kicker. No endorsement deals landed from Staples, Gymboree, or Pottery Barn Kids (despite conspicuously sporting all their gear). I didn't even get a free handgun upon check in. I thought this was America?
And to think - my porky pater familias makes this much hubub about a PUBLIC school?! Given my home state's stellar reputation for public education he is really leaving me out for the wolves. He might as well throw me in a back alley in pick-any-crappy-city with naught but a pencil, a peanut butter sandwich, and a sign on my back that says, "Free for the taking." I mean, I fully expect to wind up water boarded, turned into a drug mule, branded with a Confederate flag, and/or given scabies. All on the first day.
Then again...
I can think of no better forge in which to shape and temper the finest weapon known to the history of mankind, as I am sure to be. In order to bring about your Hobbesian future, I shall sacrifice myself. Out of the fires of this plebeian pipsqueak prison shall rise your future ruler and deity, the Waakabee. Bring it on, Cobb County.
That is all...
Future fratty.
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