There can be only one.

Competition is the driver of life, and winnows the wheat from the chaff.

Daily, I put every piece of my body through challenges and trials in order to kill of weak cells, and promote strong ones. Over the course of my lifetime, all weakness will be purged. Ultimately, my body will be comprised of ONE invulnerable, immortal cell. And you monkeys can rest assured that that single-celled organism will rise to rule the world as your overlord, your Waakabee.

Though my mono-cellular future is a long way off, I am firmly on the path. Last week, I shed several eyelashes. Two months ago, a portion of my spleen. The latest victim of my self-exercise in natural selection is my front tooth.

Good-bye, tooth. Thou wast weak, and I am better off without thee.

That is all...

The accolades continue

This should come as no surprise to those of you who know my history, but I was recently honored again at an award ceremony was held at my local school/prison.

The program is called "Rocket Readers" and true to the name, I am part of an elite group of engineer/astrophysicists who qualified by mastering thousands of pages of technical journals and plans.

At least that's how I did it. I hear that other children were allowed to qualify by reading children's literature and drivel like "Big Dog Little Dog," and "Captain Underpants."

I don't know what shenanigans and bullshit the Rocket program administration is up to, but a program aimed at future engineers/astronauts/mad scientists should clearly have standards.

I will sort it out with them. A coup de'tat is not out of the question.

Here's a pic of me and my holmes Seth and our medals. We're stoked.

That is all...

Wet Day in the MK

But we're hard core, thanks to these nifty ponchos. BTW mommy's hair bands can also be used as poncho cinchers for those who are height challenged.

Two Pleased Pirates

Cotton candy, ARGH!

Take a big swig of the Koolaid. Trust me.

All future dictators must learn techniques for quelling rebellion and dissent. I chose to put a little something in everyone's juice.

Freddie showed a surprising resilience, so I had to choose a more direct route.

"Don't fight it Freddie. The others struggled, and look where it got them.
Shhhhh.. Go to sleep..."

That is all...

The Son Becomes the Father

Today Dad showed me something AWESOME. It's called Zelda. I played it for at least an hour today, and I of course picked it up like a champ.

That's right, a five year-old trounced his father's beloved game.

At one point I saw tears in his eyes. He said it was from the joy of "seeing the circle completed," whatever that means.

I think it was because I beat his score so easily. Bring it on, old timer. I've conquered your childhood nostalgia with my god-like gaming powers.

That is all...

Putting DJ Lance and Coop to shame

I look great in these paper glasses! All hail DJ Waakabee!

Yo Gabba Gabba!

I'm at Yo Gabba Gabba Live with mommy, daddy, Walker! And I'm super excited to have my new Muno shirt and my DJ Lance glasses!

Guess who doesn't love me?

My parents sent me this tease of a picture, while they're at Universal without me. I could understand not taking Cooper (he sucks), but neglecting me?

Such impudence will be punished.


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Fire skill +1

Learning the intricacies of pyrotechnics, to further my pursuit of world domination.

Dad wouldn't let me actually play with the fire or the large explosives, but in his magnanimity allowed me this piddling sparkler. I'm making dad, of those who displease me. You are STILL at the top of that list. Retribution will be had.

On a happier note, "big, bad" Cooper and and his running mouth was silenced, as it turns out he's afraid of the big booms. Finally, I've found a chink in his armor.

Happy Independence Day, monkeys. Live it up while you can, the age of the Waakabee is nigh.

That is all...

Swim, Eat, Call Bitches.

On a hot July afternoon, there's nothing like a cool dip in the pool. Then snack on a tasty banana to recover energy and potassium. Then dial up some of my favorite peeps and chat about the day.

"Yeah I know boo, I wasn't dissing you at nap time, it's just that Shoshanna wanted a piece of this action. There's enough of the Coop to go around, baby, don't worry. You're still my sweet angel. The Coop will show you his love tomorrow - meet me at the activities table. Now let's sing twinkle twinkle little star together and call it a night - I'm wore out."

That is all...

HBD to Nannie

In our magnanimousity we have recorded a video for posterity, telling our dear Nannie how much we care that she is aging. We hope this video provides some consolation to the fact that she's is that much closer to assisted living.

We love you!



That is all...

Joke Master

Waakabee's joke of the day:

Knock knock
Who's There?
Interupting Horse.
Interupting Horse wh..
MOOOO!

That is all...

This Cowboy is Movin' On

Some of you have heard that Waakabee and I are moving. We are ditching our current home and headed for greener pastures.

We'll still be OTP, but a little further out nearer to horse farms and cowpokes.

I don't mean to get all...Waaka on this and go prancing about in costume, but I am practicing my cowboy look.
I like it. What do you think?

That is all...

G'day Mate

Got my didgeridoo and I'm going on a walkabout to see a crocodile.

And then after I've killed that croc, I'll chop off his tail and slap the hell out Waakabee with it.

Why, you ask? Why accost a young boy with a severed crocodile's tail?

Cause sometimes even Wayne Brady has to slap a bitch.

That is all...

Magna Cum Validus

Today I was thrown a parade and ceremony to herald my emergence into boyhood and my eminence in the field of pre-K academia.

For kicks, I let the administrators dress the other children in matching red cap and gown. I felt that having a coterie of disciples who emulate me would be a great way to reinforce the message that I FRAKKING ROCK AND YOU KNOW IT.

My right hand man, my meta-human colleague and trusted consigliari Fred and I look smashing in our outfits, wouldn't you say?

Also in attendance were my lieutenants, Aadi, Aneesh, and Avery. Or as I like to call them, my A-Team. If I had to pick roles, I think it's pretty obvious that Aneesh is Face, Avery is Murdock, Aadi is the van, and Freddie is BA Baracus. That rounds me out to be Hannibal. As if you couldn't tell.

Alright gang, it's time to roll. First we hit the punch, then the cookies, then back to the punch, then we terrorize the two year-old EPS1 class (I'm coming for you, Coop!). Potty break, more cookies, playground, and then maybe we go apeshit on some kids music until our parents come pick us up.

Next stop, Kindergarten biotch!

That is all...

"I cook pancakes, Da-dee"

So... if you leave your cooking ingredients out on the island, go in the other room to investigate the sound of a crash, discover it's your four year-old playing nicely yet destructively, then return and find your two year-old elbow deep in the Bisquick, don't be surprised.

Because clearly, you wanted my help cooking, even though you did not explicitly ask me.

And dammit you should be GRATEFUL.


That is all...

Operation Egg Hunt Complete

This morning we practiced our SAR techniques during Operation Egg Hunt. We canvased the test range with small grenade shaped containers called "Easter Eggs." Using a progressive start schedule, we allowed the lesser teams Team Coopadoop and Team Maddie-Madness to go first followed by the advanced recon units of Team Albanian Storm and Team WaakaDOOM.

I excelled, but my right hand Frederic of Team Albanian Storm outdid even me.

Cooper, leader of Team Coopadoop, naturally lagged behind. Given that he's slow in developing and in mind, I'm not surprised.

Here is a shot of me finding an egg. I am clearly excited. I was pretending it was a WMD, and that in gaining possession of the weapon my despotic regime now had the means to inflict terror upon my neighbors.

In reality, it was filled with chocolate, which is almost as good.

That is all...

Not feeling so hot

Well, technically I have a fever of 102, but you get what I mean.

Dad is a so-so nurse. I need my mommy.

That is all...

All the necessities...

Soccer ball? Check.
Submarine shirt? Check.
Sycamore pod? Check.
Shorts of plaid? Check.
Shin guards? Check.
Soccer cleats? Check.

All my S's accounted for.

What the f* are you staring at?

That is all...