Junk in the Trunk? Try Junk in the Bonnet.

I am including this photo just to show you my huge bulge.

You: "You're just a baby and whoever wrote this is sick."
Me: Calm down there, Prudence. I'm just putting it out there. Don't be jealous that my similac-shake brings all the girls to the yard. Besides, who am I not to praise God's gifts? Oh, and judging by the size of it, this gift is a doozie.

You: "This counts as kiddie p0rn."
Me: You're sick for even knowning what that is. Knock, knock. I think Dateline is at your door.

You: "That's just a bulging wet diaper"
Me: Leave the Bulgarians out of this. They did nothing to you.

That is all... 

King of Bunnies Visited

I recently paid a visit to the King of Bunny Rabbits. He is a mighty ruler who reigns from the Pansie Throne.

This state visit was the first of many. I am attempting to get him to acknowledge my sovereignty over the nation of Waaka. Who makes up this mighty nation? Over whom do I rule? YOU, monkeys!!

The visit went well. He didn't say much, but he did nod his head a few times and pointed to his concubines (not in frame). I think he was offering their companionship to me. The gesture was gracious, but the bastard knows that won't come into play for about 14 or so more years. Cheeky rabbit.

Dad said he once visited the leader of a group of space-faring monkeys at NASA, the Head Space Monkey. If our simian bretheren plan on unlocking the mysteries of space flight, then I must accelerate my plans for global domination, in order to beat their timetable.

Next up on my whirlwind international tour which will span the next few days - I plan to visit the King of Burgers in his tiny castle (located near our grocery store), then perhaps the King of Mufflers (Dad will be my lone companion on this visit - Mom says it's a man's work), and maybe a visit to the place where all nations come together in peace to discuss international concerns and breakfast foods, the International House of Pancakes.

Once my sovereignty is acknowledged and secured, I will begin building a coalition of nations which will help me crush all of your simpleton hopes and dreams for "global democracy". Democracy is washed up. Embrace Waakracy.

That is all...

The B Needs His Rest

A day full of world-domination-planning, exercise, play, and soiling oneself really takes it out of you.
That is all...

Family Fun

Recently, we went to the Aquarium. It was kind of poopy, because we got through the lines about one hour before they closed. So we rushed through, pausing only long enough for me to leave one stinky diaper. I'm sorry Aquarium staff. Next time the Waakabee will leave more presents, I swear.


As we prepared to embark on our journey, we had some respite in the backyard of my Uncle Robby's house. Gia, Le Terror, was there. As was every other living relative on my mother's side. All there to help the Waakabee see the fishes. What kind people.

In this picture Aunt Shannon is clearly giving Gaberdoody the heimlich, because he swallowed one too many Veggie Poofs. BTW, Veggie Poofs are like crack. I'm cuckoo for... you get it.


In this picture I am eating a boat. Why? Do not question my motives, fool.


While waiting, Gaberdoodles and I decided to have a race on the floor. And then we remembered that neither of us can yet crawl. I still won even though you can see he was playing dirty. I think Gia taught him that chop block.


Later, we actually went to the aquarium. Then mom tried to offer me up as a sacrifice to the penguins. I was not pleased.

That is all...

Restaurant Reviews - La Parilla

Today I will continue my extended series, restaurant reviews.

We will focus on the first restaurant I ever went to, La Parilla.

Restaurant: La ParillaLocation: All over Atlanta Metro. Most notably, Dallas Highway at Barrett.
Cost: $
Hours: They're open for lunch and dinner, that's all I know.
Dress: Casual.
Cuisine: Tex Mex

The food is tasty. The help is competent. The music is catchy. The futbol is loud. Dad says the margaritas are delicious. Note me sampling the tortilla chips. I love them so much I bathe in them.

This is a place my father frequents because it is near his work. Mom will only agree to go once a year. She says it's because she has discriminating taste. He says it's because she's a snob. I say it's because when we're there, I can't tell what's happening on the Spanish soap operas they play in the corner. It drives the Waakabee crazy. What has Manuel done to Graciela? And who's the hombre with the killer mustache?

So, I would recommend anything on the menu. I say that because I've never actually eaten here. The last and only time I went, I was knee high to an Olson twin. However, I did eat at MRB shortly after visiting La Parilla, and from what I can remember, it was delightful. So, ole.

Move over, David Blaine.

So I performed a magic trick today. I made everyone in a restaurant line bow to me. HOW do I have such power, you may ask? I will allow you a glance behind the curtain, monkey.

Setting - the local Willie's restaurant. Delightful establishement, colorful decor, with plenty of Republican-fearing millennials behind the counter.

Atmosphere - expectant, with a hint of cilantro.

Cue my father.
He has ordered some tasty vittles. Including a quesadilla for me. It will be my first Tex-Mex. And god help me it won't be the last.
He places me on the counter at the register, as he reaches for his wallet. He is concentrating on reaching around his large ass for the pocket.

Note my sly grin.

I reach, and like SpiderMan, everything within my grasp clings to my hands. CUPS go flying! CALCULATOR goes zooming to the floor! PENS are missiles! Willie's MAGNETS, begone!

And there, with a spotlight on it, with angels singing, lies my prize. The TIP FISHBOWL.

In the blink of an eye, BOOOOM! The bowl is on the floor and spinning, spewing money like a Mount Saint Helens of currency! Pennies, RUN FREE! Fly, fair Dollars! Seek your fortune, ye rolling quarters!!

And that is when the trick was performed, as all the monkeys around me bowed and scraped the floor, like good peasants to their lord. Of course, some would say they were simply picking up all the crap I had just thrown everywhere...but from my point of view, they were bowing. It was GLORIOUS.


That is all...

Look how excited that buffoon of a father is. When my ultimate plans come to fruition, I may spare him a cruel death, just for being such a blindly optimistic and happy idiot.
That is all...

I have begun to consume people food. No more goo for the Bee. Where is the vodka creme sauce?
That is all...

My first taste of lemon. Bitter. Like the future ex-Mrs. Wakaabee
That is all...

They should make stuffed animals in my likeness.
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Move over, Keith Richards.
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White Trash Cleans Baby in Parking Lot

Well I'd say we look rather common when mom choose to change my nappy in the back of the car. I guess maybe you're just trying to fit in here in Mabletucky


Then again, there is something rather...appealing about it all. Say there, cart shagger! Can you see my scrotum? Take a good look at the naked baby!
That is all...

Caption Contest II

Hey there, party people! It's meeeeeee the Waaakabeeee.

Submit your best captions. Whoever wins, I will send a dirty sock, so they may have a trinket of mine. Whoever loses, I will send a poopy nappy.

That is all...

Dear Adoring Fans

Dear Adoring Fans,
please do not delete StripedPajamas from your 'favorites' list. My Dad is a very busy and important man. Did you know he has made the rank of Imperial Trooper and fights with Darth Vadar himself. Amazing. You should all be terrified of his great power. After all, he did provide 50 percent of the Wakkabee's magnificent DNA.